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******* Poser
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7,971 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Link that was posted on Pirate

http://www.fmylife.com/

Fucking Hilarious!

"Today I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment and I told her I didn't have a condom. She responded by laughing in my face and upon realizing my look of confusion said "Oh, you actually thought I'd have sex with you?" FML"
 

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HURL SCOUTS
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10,007 Posts
excellent

"Today, My boyfriend gave me a gift card for $32 to a local salon. I thought the amount was kind of random, but when I went in I saw that the bikini wax was $32. FML"

pure gold on this one
"Today my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML"


"Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML"
 

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******* Poser
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7,971 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
"Today, my boyfriend's sister called me to wish me congratulations and ask me when I was due. I said I wasn't prenant to which she replied "Yes you are, my brother just told us the good news". Long pause. "Oh wait is this Mary or Morgan?" I'm Morgan. Who's Mary? FML"
 

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Registered
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1,540 Posts
"Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML"
That made my day. :sonicjay::beerbang:
 

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Web Wheeling!
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1,390 Posts
Haha

"Today, my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time. When I was on top of her, she asked me if it was in yet. I said yes. She sighed. FML"
 

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Banned
Joined
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20,292 Posts
Today, I was secretly listening to a voicemail from my mom in maths class when I accidentally hit the speaker phone button. My whole math class now knows I have a gyno appointment at 9:45 on March 11. FML
Today, I walked into my room to find my mom had made my bed and done my laundry, for which I thanked her with a hug. I laid down on the bed, stretched out my arms and realized my vibrator was still under the pillow where I had left it. FML
lol
 

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I like trees
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5,795 Posts
Today, I finally hooked up with a boy I really liked. We were lying in bed and my panties were already off when he asked me : "Would you also have sex with me if you weren't drunk?". I responded "Yes!" and asked him the same question, at which he responded : "No, probably not.":teehee:
 

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I like trees
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5,795 Posts
''Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it''.I spewed coffe out my nose.
 

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Something Clever
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2,399 Posts
Today, I finally hooked up with a boy I really liked. We were lying in bed and my panties were already off when he asked me : "Would you also have sex with me if you weren't drunk?". I responded "Yes!" and asked him the same question, at which he responded : "No, probably not.":teehee:
''Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it''.I spewed coffe out my nose.
i thought both of those were funny as hell too
 

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Registered
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406 Posts
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML


This made me lol
 

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Buy a Fiat! Save the UAW!
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14,442 Posts
Today, I was at a fraternity party, and one of the hosts said over the loudspeaker "turn to the person next to you and picture them naked, then drink a beer if the mental image disturbs you". I turned, only to be face-to-face with my ex-boyfriend. He drank two beers.
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Buy a Fiat! Save the UAW!
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14,442 Posts
Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad proceeded to warn me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML
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Buy a Fiat! Save the UAW!
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14,442 Posts
scooter should like this one...

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
 

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Boost Withdrawl
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2,706 Posts
Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML
Most are funny, this is the only one in 5 pages that made me lol though
 
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