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Motrcytman's spouse
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7,213 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "It is three o'clock in the morning."

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No. I did not. Its three o'clock in the morning and it is pouring rain outside!"

His wife said, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told (of course!), gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello! Are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes! Please!" comes the reply from the darkness.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!!" replies the drunk.

Sorry if a repost!
 

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i don't much care for you
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2,397 Posts
classic.

i just sent it out to a bunch of people
 

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Cadillac pimpin
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3,632 Posts
haha. i had no idea where you were going with that.
 

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HURL SCOUTS
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10,007 Posts
good one. here is one I just recently heard.

A husband forgets his wifes birthday for the second year in a row.
The wife is pissed. She starts to bitch out her husband six ways from sunday.

At the end of the scolding she tells him that when she wakes up there better be something new and shiny sitting in the driveway that will go from 0 to 200 in the blink of an eye and proceeds to go to bed.

The next morning she wakes up and the husband is nowhere to be found.
She glances out the window and notices there is a package in the driveway with a bow on it.

She gets all excited, thinking there is maybe keys, or title or something leading her to her new dream car. she rushes outside to the package
and rips it open to find....





a brand new shiny scale.
 

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Motrcytman's spouse
Joined
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7,213 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
good one. here is one I just recently heard.

A husband forgets his wifes birthday for the second year in a row.
The wife is pissed. She starts to bitch out her husband six ways from sunday.

At the end of the scolding she tells him that when she wakes up there better be something new and shiny sitting in the driveway that will go from 0 to 200 in the blink of an eye and proceeds to go to bed.

The next morning she wakes up and the husband is nowhere to be found.
She glances out the window and notices there is a package in the driveway with a bow on it.

She gets all excited, thinking there is maybe keys, or title or something leading her to her new dream car. she rushes outside to the package
and rips it open to find....





a brand new shiny scale.
I don't think that is funny.....:tonka: :tonka:
 

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Stuck on Beaver
Joined
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47 Posts
good one. here is one I just recently heard.

A husband forgets his wifes birthday for the second year in a row.
The wife is pissed. She starts to bitch out her husband six ways from sunday.

At the end of the scolding she tells him that when she wakes up there better be something new and shiny sitting in the driveway that will go from 0 to 200 in the blink of an eye and proceeds to go to bed.

The next morning she wakes up and the husband is nowhere to be found.
She glances out the window and notices there is a package in the driveway with a bow on it.

She gets all excited, thinking there is maybe keys, or title or something leading her to her new dream car. she rushes outside to the package
and rips it open to find....





a brand new shiny scale.
Just burning some time at work. ran across your post.:nana:
That reminds me of the one about the two guys leaving the mall and the one asks the other what he got his wife for Christmas. "I got her a diamond ring and a new car. I got her the new car so if she doesn't like the ring she can drive it back and get a new ring." What did you get your wife? The second man replies " some slippers and a dildo. " Why did you get her the dildo asks the first gental man? " So if she doesn't like the slippers she can Fu*@. her self.":nana:
 

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I'm trying to care
Joined
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511 Posts
Just burning some time at work. ran across your post.:nana:
That reminds me of the one about the two guys leaving the mall and the one asks the other what he got his wife for Christmas. "I got her a diamond ring and a new car. I got her the new car so if she doesn't like the ring she can drive it back and get a new ring." What did you get your wife? The second man replies " some slippers and a dildo. " Why did you get her the dildo asks the first gental man? " So if she doesn't like the slippers she can Fu*@. her self.":nana:

:sonicjay: :sonicjay:
 

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HURL SCOUTS
Joined
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10,007 Posts
Just burning some time at work. ran across your post.:nana:
That reminds me of the one about the two guys leaving the mall and the one asks the other what he got his wife for Christmas. "I got her a diamond ring and a new car. I got her the new car so if she doesn't like the ring she can drive it back and get a new ring." What did you get your wife? The second man replies " some slippers and a dildo. " Why did you get her the dildo asks the first gental man? " So if she doesn't like the slippers she can Fu*@. her self.":nana:


:sonicjay: :sonicjay:

here is one old but good.

this *** goes to check out this new gay bar.
he gets there and has a few drinks and heads out the back door as nothing is going on at the bar. when he gets outside he sees this wino passed out in the alley. the *** looks around doesn't see anyone so he bends the wino over and fucks him in the ass. afterwords he feels bad so he puts $5 in the wino's pocket and leaves.

the wino wakes up and finds the money and heads to the corner liquor store. he tells the clerk he wants 5 bottle of that $1 wine. the wino goes back to the alley drinks it and passes out.

the *** goes to the bar but immediately heads to the alley, see's the wino passed out, so he bends him over and fucks him in the ass. afterwords he feels twice as bad and leaves him $10 in his pocket and leaves

the wino wakes up and finds the money and heads to the corner liquor store. he tells the clerk he wants 10 bottles of that $1 wine. the wino goes back to the alley drinks it and passes out.

the *** calls his *** buddy and tells him about the wino and they agree to go that night. the two guys go around back skipping the bar altogether.
they see the wino passed out and they each bend him over and fuck him in the ass. when they are done they look at each other and decide that they really should do something nice for this guy and they leave him $50 in his pocket

the wino wakes up and finds the money and heads to the corner liquor store. he tells the clerk he wants 1 bottle of that $50 wine. the clerk says wait just a minute. you have been coming in here all week buying that cheap $1 wine and the wino replies yeah but that shit is tearing my ass apart.
 
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