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Old March 21st, 2006, 11:06 AM   #1
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Default World History Lesson


The division of the human family into its two distinct political
branches occurred some 7,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as
members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.

The pivotal event of societal evolution was the invention of beer.
This epochal event was both the foundation of modern civilization and
the occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct
subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum
can were invented yet, so it was necessary to stick close to the
brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night
While they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the
Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned
To live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly
Barbecues and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was
the beginning of the liberal movement. An interesting Evolutionary
side note, some of these early liberal men eventually evolved into women.

Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade
union, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the
concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
that the conservatives provided.

Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
Prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but
Like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are
Standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most
Of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists,
Dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals
Invented the designated hitter rule in baseball because it wasn't "fair"
to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, They eat red meat, and
still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters,
Rodeo cowboys, lumber jacks, construction workers, medical doctors,
Police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and
generally anyone who works productively outside of government.
Conservatives who own companies and hire other conservatives who want to
work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
producers and decide what to do with their production. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is
why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives
were coming to America. They crept in after the wild west was tame and
created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends the lesson in world history.
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