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Old March 1st, 2007, 10:21 PM   #1
Pre4runner
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Default Anal "Am I Gay" self examination

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.
It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent
the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah
diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, But
gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
Delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just
think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass
over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to
daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet,
or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and
undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a Parking
lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he please.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you probably like A high
hard one in the pooper chuter. A straight man will never be heard ordering a
"Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latté to your lips, you've had
a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different
types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing
out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to
remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a
"fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than
cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it; you're dying to
tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a
slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that
hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, scratch
his balls, or play with his broad's tits.

Any Questions???
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Old March 2nd, 2007, 01:30 AM   #2
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i got a question......

Are you gay??
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cunt punt, it's like a reset switch for women.
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Old March 2nd, 2007, 04:58 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pre4runner View Post
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, But
gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
Delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just
think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass
over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to
daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
:tonka: :tonka:
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Old March 2nd, 2007, 07:01 AM   #4
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Chauncy

:tonka: :tonka:
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Old March 2nd, 2007, 02:10 PM   #5
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If this is the truth then it's obvious that I'm out of the closet

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Old March 2nd, 2007, 02:51 PM   #6
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Old March 3rd, 2007, 09:19 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Throwin Mudd View Post
:tonka: :tonka:
Sent by my father, and he has a cat and a shaved head
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Old March 4th, 2007, 01:20 AM   #8
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I say wait just a cotton picking minute! chartreuse is a color of a fishing lure! :miff:
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Old March 4th, 2007, 08:01 AM   #9
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I say wait just a cotton picking minute! chartreuse is a color of a fishing lure! :miff:
and if you can't identify it, you ain't catching any Walleye..
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Old March 4th, 2007, 08:08 AM   #10
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loop hole?
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Old March 4th, 2007, 09:51 AM   #11
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and if you can't identify it, you ain't catching any Walleye..
I agree with ya on that one, but you gotta admit that was f*ckin hilarious!
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Old March 4th, 2007, 10:25 AM   #12
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Sent by my father, and he has a cat and a shaved head
does he have a goatee to?
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Old March 4th, 2007, 10:30 AM   #13
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# 1 & 2 are giving me a little trouble . No wash board stomach but no gut either and well over 40 . Guess im border line there .

I have a cat i will confess , Im married a man needs some pussy around that isnt pissed at him all the time

Im thinking the coffee drinking redeems me of the others so im OK
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Old March 4th, 2007, 10:49 AM   #14
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does he have a goatee to?
and little hoop earings?.......... in both ears? :tonka:
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Old March 4th, 2007, 01:01 PM   #15
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Let me see...

#1 - no danger of washboard abs here, so I'm good to go.

#2 - I have three cats (and the daughter's is here while she's at spring break) so I take exception with that one. And yes, I talk to them like they were dogs and they do not have froofy names.

As long as we're on the dog thing, I offer that any dog that hasn't flushed and retrieved a game bird on command is nothing more than an ugly cat.

#3, #4, #5 - I'm good with those.

#6 - Auto body paint colors are exempt from this. I'm familiar with several of those (Warbonnet Yellow, Marina Blue, etc...).

#7 Whatever.
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Old March 4th, 2007, 04:23 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DuffMan View Post
Let me see...

#1 - no danger of washboard abs here, so I'm good to go.

#2 - I have three cats (and the daughter's is here while she's at spring break) so I take exception with that one. And yes, I talk to them like they were dogs and they do not have froofy names.

As long as we're on the dog thing, I offer that any dog that hasn't flushed and retrieved a game bird on command is nothing more than an ugly cat.

#3, #4, #5 - I'm good with those.

#6 - Auto body paint colors are exempt from this. I'm familiar with several of those (Warbonnet Yellow, Marina Blue, etc...).

#7 Whatever.
You know why peopel keep dogs right? Sheep are to obvious.
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