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Old February 28th, 2007, 09:13 AM   #1
silverxj
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Default Shop tools ... I'm sure we've all had one of these.

>
>DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
>metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
>flings your soda pop across the room, splattering it against that
>freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.
>
>WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
>the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
>hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you
>to say, "Yeou sheeeet...."
>
>ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their
>holes until you die of old age.
>
>SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
>
>PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
>blood-blisters. The most often tool used by all women.
>
>BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
>touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
>
>HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
>principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
>motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
>dismal your future becomes.
>
>VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
>heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
>intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
>
>WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction
>of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
>
>OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
>objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside
>the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
>
>WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
>motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or
>socket you've been searching for the last 45 minutes.
>
>TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
>projectiles for testing wall integrity.
>
>HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
>after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle
>firmly under the bumper.
>
>EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off
>of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
>
>TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.
>
>
>
>E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool, ten times harder than any known
>drill bit, that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible
>future use.
>
>RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most
>shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work.
>
>TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
>everything you forgot to disconnect.
>
>CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that
>inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite
>the handle.
>
>AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
>
>TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a
>drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which
>is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main
>purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm
>howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the
>Battle
>of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
>
>
>
>PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids
>and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your
>shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips
>screw heads.

>STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
>convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
>
>AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning
>power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that
>travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts
>which were last over tightened 30 years ago by someone at Ford, and
>instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.
>
>PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket
>you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
>
>HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
>
>HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
>used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent
>to the object we are trying to hit.
>
>MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
>cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents
>such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector
>magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful
>for
>slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
>
>DAMMMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage
>while yelling "DAMMMMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often,
>the next tool that you will need!
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Old February 28th, 2007, 09:40 AM   #2
bender
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HAH, the dammmit tool is tooo true.

i think every one of my tools have been a dammmit tool a time or three.
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Old February 28th, 2007, 02:41 PM   #3
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I was thinking more along the lines of..........

spots (for the spot welder) ...... when out send new guy up front for new bag of them

box of centerlines...... when out send new guy up front for new box of them

'the pipestretcher' tool...... when too short send new guy up front for the expensive tool

'air hammer' (air fitting in the end of a rawhide mallet)...... when broken send new guy to purchasing for new one.

bottle of radiation pills (for us laser guys)...... when out send new guy up front for new bottle of them

:tonka:

Last edited by Immortal; February 28th, 2007 at 04:35 PM.
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Old February 28th, 2007, 04:15 PM   #4
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I never found my Dammit tool..







It was that inverted Torx head socket that fits those top two bolts on my TJ transmission, I'm sure it will turn up when I move some parts around in the back of my garage..
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Old February 28th, 2007, 04:21 PM   #5
mpwal099
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http://www.greatlakes4x4.com/showthr...ighlight=tools
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Old February 28th, 2007, 04:37 PM   #6
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thats great, I know way to many of those too well.

especially this one

DAMMMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage
>while yelling "DAMMMMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often,
>the next tool that you will need!

I have broken so many things doin this

The craftsman driver was good too, I dont think I have ever used it on a screw, but it has worked for so many other things, lol
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