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Old December 3rd, 2006, 03:18 PM   #1
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Default No more secrecy -- Christmas must be destroyed!

WARNING! THIS IS A VERY SARCASTIC ARTICLE. It was written by a staff member of the Liberal Media Watch Dog Site, Media Matters. Read at your Own Risk!


No more secrecy -- Christmas must be destroyed!

by Simon Maloy

This is both a confession and a call to arms. For the past several years, I have been secretly involved in a secret scheme to secretly force religion -- Christianity, in particular -- from the public square. This secret has been laid bare, however, so now I can publicly and proudly proclaim that I am a member of the secular-progressive plot pithily dubbed "The War on Christmas," and have been authorized by the founder and leader of this movement, George Soros, to acknowledge its existence and call upon our fellow Christmas-haters to make themselves known and to take our no-longer secret campaign to the streets. Down with Christmas!

We have to give credit where credit is due. If it weren't for the dogged investigations of Fox News' Bill O'Reilly, as well as John Gibson's scathing exposť, The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought (Penguin, 2005), average American Christians wouldn't have thought there even was a "War on Christmas," and they certainly wouldn't have thought it was worse than they didn't think it was. And while I reluctantly concede that they blew the lid off all our clandestine activities, I have to admit that I am a little puzzled at, and certainly suspicious of, just how accurate they were in explaining our tactics and motives.

I remember when the anti-Christmas movement first got started. Soros had just finished discussing with Hillary Clinton how they were going to use their Mafia connections to control the Democratic Party, and they had concluded that in order to implement all of the secular-progressive policies we hold so dear, we first had to eliminate religion in the United States -- just like Hitler had in Germany, and Stalin in Russia. With religion in place, there was no way we could ever hope to see three gay cousins marrying each other while legally smoking hashish next to the deathbed of their euthanized grandfather. So we secretly declared war on Christianity and decided that Christmas would be the central front in this war, wrongly assuming that it was the most Christian of all the Christian holidays. (Turns out that's Easter. Oops!)

We even formulated a three-tiered structure to ensure that the plan would be effectively implemented. Basically, Soros would give a whole bunch of money to the American Civil Liberties Union so it could file lawsuits and intimidate everybody who said "Merry Christmas" in public, and websites like Media Matters would attack and demonize anyone who dared to speak in defense of the holiday. It was perfect. We even had an inspirational quote from Ebenezer Scrooge on the wall of the Christmas war room: "If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"

Well, you can imagine our surprise when O'Reilly, on the November 28, 2005, edition of The O'Reilly Factor, said:

O'REILLY: Just a reminder: George Soros and Peter Lewis are the far-left, secular-progressive billionaires who have funded -- they pour money into the ACLU, they pour money into the smear websites, you know, they buy up a lot of the media time. And they basically want to change the country from a Christian-based philosophical country to a secular-progressive country like they have in Western Europe. OK? Now, the ACLU is their legal arm, and the smear websites are their media arm. And they pour a lot of money into both. And the ACLU runs around the country suing everybody and intimidating people.

[...]

O'REILLY: And in tandem, you use your left-wing smear websites to go after anybody who stands up for Christmas. If you stand up for Christmas, they come after you. So the tandem intimidates. The tandem intimidates. Suing on one hand; smearing on the other hand.

[...]

O'REILLY: There's a very secret plan. And it's a plan that nobody's going to tell you, "Well, we want to diminish Christian philosophy in the USA because we want X, Y, and Z." They'll never ever say that. But I'm kind of surprised they went after Christmas because it's such an emotional issue.

[...]

O'REILLY: In every secular-progressive country, they've wiped out religion.

[...]

O'REILLY: Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Mao Zedong, Fidel Castro, all of them. That's the first step. Get the religion out of there, so that we can impose our big-government, progressive agenda.

Gibson was also onto us. He wrote on Page 160 of his book:

The war on Christmas is worse than I thought -- and perhaps than you thought, because it's really a war on Christianity. In all the s described here that have played out over bans on the public celebration of Christmas, the plaintiff's reason is always that Christmas is Christian, and symbols of Christianity can't be permitted in public places.

I really don't know how Gibson figured this out. I can only assume that he is incredibly crafty. In fact, John Gibson is so crafty that he covered all his bases by writing in the book's introduction that the "War on Christmas" was worse than he or anyone else thought for the exact opposite reason he described in the above passage. From Page xviii of The War on Christmas:

You might think that the war on Christmas is being fought on the grounds that overtly religious symbols in public -- such as nativity scenes and crosses -- violate the separation of church and state that many judges have read into the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.

But again, you'd be underestimating the war on Christmas. It's worse than you think. Liberals' attacks now focus on symbols regarded by most Americans -- and even by the Supreme Court of the United States (in its Lynch v. Donnelly ruling) to be secular symbols of the federal holiday that is Christmas. Wannabe constitutional lawyers in local government offices all over the country are declaring unconstitutional normal and traditional Christmas representations such as Christmas trees, Santa Claus, treetop stars, wreaths, the singing of and listening to Christmas carols or Christmas instrumental music, attending a performance of Dickens's A Christmas Carol, the publication of the word "Christmas" itself, and even the colors red and green!

Do you see how tricky this is? I wonder now why we ever thought we could keep the plan concealed from these guys.

Fox News had figured out our game, so we decided that it was time to get some of the media on our side. Given that the entire mainstream press is liberally biased (whoops, another cat out of the bag), we had our pick of literally thousands of media outlets through which to hammer home our secret, anti-Christmas message. The only catch was that we had to choose an outlet that was far-reaching and influential enough to effectively counter Fox News. Almost immediately, we chose the media in Madison, Wisconsin -- not only because of their reach, but also because they privately worship Satan, and we figured that Satanists would be an effective ally in a campaign against Christianity.

But, again, O'Reilly was on to our scheme from the get-go. He nailed us on the December 2, 2005, edition of The O'Reilly Factor:

O'REILLY: All right, well, listen, Jackson, we respect your opinion, but you're dead wrong on this one. Now --

JACKSON BAIN: Well, maybe.

O'REILLY: -- in the South, Richmond Times[-Dispatch], for example.

BAIN: Right.

O'REILLY: Now, this is a conservative city, Richmond. I mean, this is not Madison, Wisconsin, where you expect those people to be communing with Satan up there in the Madison, Wisconsin, media.

BAIN: Sure.

O'REILLY: All right, but not in Richmond. Richmond. "Bill O'Reilly: Christmas Lies Under Siege. Unless defended, it could even disappear." That's a lie, and they know it's a lie.

The whole thing was beginning to unravel. It seemed as though O'Reilly and Gibson were two steps ahead of every effort at secrecy we tried to make. But there remained one great hope. Our attempts to covertly destroy Christmas through litigation and the media had been exposed, but there was still one key medium we could exploit -- retail. While it is possible to kill Christmas with just lawsuits and editorials, we figured out that the best way to significantly damage the holiday is to make sure that storefront displays and employees at big retail chains, as well as online stores at big news organizations, use only the phrase "Happy Holidays." This phrase is remarkably insulting to Christians, and if it is repeated enough times to shoppers, they will eventually forget that there is a specific holiday known as "Christmas."

But we just couldn't beat back O'Reilly's Yuletide of truth:

O'REILLY: See, I think you're, I think you're crazy. And here's why. I think the backlash against stores that don't say "Merry Christmas" is enormous because now people are aware of the issue. There's going to be -- it's like the third or fourth year that we've reported it. I know everybody's hypersensitive about are they going to say "Merry Christmas"? Are they going to say "Happy Holidays"? What are they going to say? Are there decorations that say "Merry Christmas"? They're hypersensitive. And when you walk into a secular environment, most Christians are looking around, and they're really aware of it. Now, the other thing is, I don't believe most people who aren't Christian are offended by the words "Merry Christmas." I think those people are nuts. I think you're crazy if you're offended by the words "Merry Christmas."

The final nail in the coffin was hammered in just recently, when our top-secret "Operation Crate & Barrel" was compromised. Crate & Barrel was our last and most promising retail stronghold. Not only do they hate Christmas, they also allow people of non-Christian faiths to practice freely in their stores. The double whammy of a shopping environment that is both Christmas-free and non-Christian is more than even the most stalwart defender of Christmas can withstand. Unfortunately, fate and the Transportation Security Administration intervened, and six imams were removed from an airplane in Minnesota after other passengers saw them praying in the airport terminal. This gave O'Reilly the hook he needed to tear us down for the last time:

O'REILLY: In the "Impact" segment tonight, most American retail stores are saying "Merry Christmas", as we mentioned, but not Crate & Barrel and Best Buy. Incredibly, Crate & Barrel spokesperson Cathy -- I'm sorry, Betty Kahn -- Betty Kahn told the Minneapolis Star Tribune, quote, "We would definitely not be saying [sic] Merry Christmas." Wow.

Also in Minneapolis, six Muslim clerics booted off a US Airways jet because some passengers were nervous. The men were handcuffed, questioned for more than five hours before being released.

[...]

O'REILLY: I don't know. Maybe the imams who got thrown off the plane shop there.

MICHELLE MALKIN: Well, there you go.

O'REILLY: All right? I bet you they wouldn't get handcuffed in Crate & Barrel if they started chanting stuff.

There you have it. Fox News has exposed every last shady piece of our secret campaign to kill Christmas. Now we must continue the "War on Christmas" in full view of the public, and figure out just how it was that Bill O'Reilly and John Gibson had such intimate and detailed knowledge of our plans and tactics. Were they leaked secret documents? Not likely. Gibson does not condone reporting based on "embarrassing" leaked documents. Did they have a mole operating on the inside? Probably not. O'Reilly only assigns undercover correspondents to report on college sex parties. And yet, they must have had solid evidence and unimpeachable facts to make the assertions and linkages highlighted above. I mean, they can't just be making all this up ... right?
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Old December 3rd, 2006, 05:27 PM   #2
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Please go away.

There has to be somewhere else on the web you can visit
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Old December 3rd, 2006, 05:29 PM   #3
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Its shit like this that makes you an asshole
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Old December 3rd, 2006, 05:31 PM   #4
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May 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus have no mercy on your soul.
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Old December 3rd, 2006, 05:35 PM   #5
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Its shit like this that makes you an asshole
whaaa? it's a joke about the fact that the war on christmas is non-existant. What makes me an asshole?
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Old December 3rd, 2006, 05:57 PM   #6
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Ibrb
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Old December 3rd, 2006, 06:06 PM   #7
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It's about time they admited it.

But seriously, am I the only one thats bothered by the fact that some of the same rights groups are fighting FOR the rights in Muslins to pray where ever they want, and AGAINST the rights of Christian kids to pray in school?
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Old December 3rd, 2006, 06:55 PM   #8
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It's about time they admited it.

But seriously, am I the only one thats bothered by the fact that some of the same rights groups are fighting FOR the rights in Muslins to pray where ever they want, and AGAINST the rights of Christian kids to pray in school?
yes thankyou brewman cause if i said it sova would discount it. Part of my haitng america rant. Same with the siekes being able to carry SWORDS on wayne state campus, the mulim woman who want to wear burkas in photo id, etc etc etc ad nausem. All remnants of christianty must be removed, we must have translators for illegal immigrants so they can file formal complaints, and christmas songs must be chaned to remove christian them at schools then they sing kawanza and jewish songs. The left is out of control, their white guilt and just foo foo leftist silliness is at at an all time high.

My "favorite" leftist uneducated interpretation is seperation of church and state means NOTHING can be reliogous UNLESS its not christian then its ok. And they mistakingly think EVERYTHING is church and state in bed together. It just means no official mandated religion. Not that a state building cant have in god we trust or say the pledge, or a secretary cant have a buddha statue on her desk. The dont want to hear it.
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Old December 3rd, 2006, 07:09 PM   #9
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That article was way too long to read. . . . cliff notes??
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Old December 3rd, 2006, 07:54 PM   #10
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But seriously, am I the only one thats bothered by the fact that some of the same rights groups are fighting FOR the rights in Muslins to pray where ever they want, and AGAINST the rights of Christian kids to pray in school?
Amen (pardon the pun). Exactly my frustration.
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Old December 4th, 2006, 06:14 AM   #11
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That article was way too long to read. . . . cliff notes??
basically, there is no war on Christmas, for Christmas or against Christmas.
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Old December 4th, 2006, 12:52 PM   #12
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basically, there is no war on Christmas, for Christmas or against Christmas.
well call it what you want, war, battle, whatever. There is a big change in anti x mas stuff from school plays in towns with 95 % white christians they do away with ANYTHING with christ or christmas, santa is fine, kwanza is fine for the token 2 black kids, and they sing jewish songs when they dont have any jew students or citizens. ITS INSANE!

Same with the blacklash against the stores last year. They all went to saying "happy holidays" which is fine i guess except the same stores for 40-100 years said happy christmas! Christmas comes every year the same time, THATS what spurs the spending and i want it recognized. If the jews, atheist, or kwanza folks want to throw a fit let 'em. I never in my life even met a black person who celebrates kawanza and i know some pretty militant black power folks, who are ALL ABOUT anythign black and they though kawanza was a joke.

And dont forget the thing brewman brough up about the praying. Its fine if your muslim but no christian kids can pray in school etc.

Definate cultural war fostered by white christians against white christians. More white guilt. They just want to do WHATEVER pleases muslims even if its hypocritical. To them the worst thing that could happen would be for a muslim to say they are insensitive, or culturally ignorant etc. I would tell to fukc off and sleep well that night. Not our media though.
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Old December 4th, 2006, 03:21 PM   #13
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well call it what you want, war, battle, whatever. There is a big change in anti x mas stuff from school plays in towns with 95 % white christians they do away with ANYTHING with christ or christmas, santa is fine, kwanza is fine for the token 2 black kids, and they sing jewish songs when they dont have any jew students or citizens. ITS INSANE!

Same with the blacklash against the stores last year. They all went to saying "happy holidays" which is fine i guess except the same stores for 40-100 years said happy christmas! Christmas comes every year the same time, THATS what spurs the spending and i want it recognized. If the jews, atheist, or kwanza folks want to throw a fit let 'em. I never in my life even met a black person who celebrates kawanza and i know some pretty militant black power folks, who are ALL ABOUT anythign black and they though kawanza was a joke.

And dont forget the thing brewman brough up about the praying. Its fine if your muslim but no christian kids can pray in school etc.

Definate cultural war fostered by white christians against white christians. More white guilt. They just want to do WHATEVER pleases muslims even if its hypocritical. To them the worst thing that could happen would be for a muslim to say they are insensitive, or culturally ignorant etc. I would tell to fukc off and sleep well that night. Not our media though.
1. show me a school that god rid of everything christian but allowed jewish stuff and kwanzaa. please. i need further proof than your ranting and raving.

2. backlash against the stores? those are private businesses who set their own policy. If they want to cover all the bases by saying happy holidays, they can...who are you blaming for this?

3. No one is stopping ANY student from praying in school. The prayer just can't be led by a member of the faculty or staff. Trust me, there are kids right now, praying that they get an A on the algebra quiz.

where are you getting this stuff???
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Old December 4th, 2006, 03:44 PM   #14
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1. show me a school that god rid of everything christian but allowed jewish stuff and kwanzaa. please. i need further proof than your ranting and raving.

2. backlash against the stores? those are private businesses who set their own policy. If they want to cover all the bases by saying happy holidays, they can...who are you blaming for this?

3. No one is stopping ANY student from praying in school. The prayer just can't be led by a member of the faculty or staff. Trust me, there are kids right now, praying that they get an A on the algebra quiz.

where are you getting this stuff???
well not off crooks and liars links for the day. Sorry i dont have links for them but its stuff thats been in the news the last ten years, like the detroit news free press or national tv news.

your point #1. i have both read in newspaper (not tabloids, and heard on drew and mike or d&d on 97.1). Most schools just do away with all religion and just sign santa songs, songs about snow, frosty the snow man. Some have deliberately taken out christian songs, and sang both kawanza and jewish songs.

your point #2. It was a conscious industry wide event. Big national chains that said happy x mas in person on their PA, and their ads all simultaneously changed at the same time. BS for a cynic that sure is gullible of you. Its the bending over backwards for the 2 % syndrome. A loud 2 % makes you dis your regular 65-85% christian customers. In saudia arabia i expect a happy ramadan at the mall. In peoria ill, kzoo mich, or south bend ind, i expect to hear happy christmas!

your point #3. I kinda agree in that anyone can pray in their head anytime they want. if your god cant hear you .... well he must be a terrible god. I mean things like the pledge being offensivc (one nation under god ... doesnt even say the christian god, just the idea it could mean that though is unbearable to many)
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Old December 4th, 2006, 03:53 PM   #15
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well not off crooks and liars links for the day. Sorry i dont have links for them but its stuff thats been in the news the last ten years, like the detroit news free press or national tv news.

your point #1. i have both read in newspaper (not tabloids, and heard on drew and mike or d&d on 97.1). Most schools just do away with all religion and just sign santa songs, songs about snow, frosty the snow man. Some have deliberately taken out christian songs, and sang both kawanza and jewish songs.

your point #2. It was a conscious industry wide event. Big national chains that said happy x mas in person on their PA, and their ads all simultaneously changed at the same time. BS for a cynic that sure is gullible of you. Its the bending over backwards for the 2 % syndrome. A loud 2 % makes you dis your regular 65-85% christian customers. In saudia arabia i expect a happy ramadan at the mall. In peoria ill, kzoo mich, or south bend ind, i expect to hear happy christmas!

your point #3. I kinda agree in that anyone can pray in their head anytime they want. if your god cant hear you .... well he must be a terrible god. I mean things like the pledge being offensivc (one nation under god ... doesnt even say the christian god, just the idea it could mean that though is unbearable to many)
so...

for 1 , you got nothing but speculation.

for 2, yeah, big business decided to cater to EVERYONE and you got pissed off about it.

for 3, they can pray out loud if they want, no one is stopping them.
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Old December 4th, 2006, 05:10 PM   #16
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so...

for 1 , you got nothing but speculation.

for 2, yeah, big business decided to cater to EVERYONE and you got pissed off about it.

for 3, they can pray out loud if they want, no one is stopping them.
well sooooory for not cliping newspapers and saving them for years for this day.

2. not "catering" its more like i said its bending over for 2%. Its only cuase of white guilt. Anything else a business gets complaints about by only 2-5% they are gonna dismiss. Too long of lines for check out, carts dont push straight, long time on phone with un knowledgeable help, etc NO ONE does anything about that and EVERYONE thinks that. You think for real they care what 2 % of the population thinks other than because they are usually dark skinned and dont want to have any issues on tv. THATS IT. If your a minority your 2 % gets a mulitplier in our PC culture.
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Old December 4th, 2006, 05:20 PM   #17
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get jamiesann's new book, Culture Warrior, everyone loves it, it's #1 !

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Old December 4th, 2006, 05:55 PM   #18
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well sooooory for not cliping newspapers and saving them for years for this day.

2. not "catering" its more like i said its bending over for 2%. Its only cuase of white guilt. Anything else a business gets complaints about by only 2-5% they are gonna dismiss. Too long of lines for check out, carts dont push straight, long time on phone with un knowledgeable help, etc NO ONE does anything about that and EVERYONE thinks that. You think for real they care what 2 % of the population thinks other than because they are usually dark skinned and dont want to have any issues on tv. THATS IT. If your a minority your 2 % gets a mulitplier in our PC culture.
It's the Holiday seson so I believe that Happy Holidays works for stores and anyone else that wants to wish someone seasons greetgins. You could also say Merry Chirstmas to everyone and then switch to Happy Holidays after Christmas I guess.

Jamie, you should lead a campaign that only allows the saying Happy Holidays after Dec. 25th I think that would be a good use of your resources but since Bill O (this year) and Johnny Gibson (last year) working on it I think you can just relax this season and maybe campaign hard next year

You better start writing that book!!
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Old December 4th, 2006, 06:13 PM   #19
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It's the Holiday seson so I believe that Happy Holidays works for stores and anyone else that wants to wish someone seasons greetgins. You could also say Merry Chirstmas to everyone and then switch to Happy Holidays after Christmas I guess.

Jamie, you should lead a campaign that only allows the saying Happy Holidays after Dec. 25th I think that would be a good use of your resources but since Bill O (this year) and Johnny Gibson (last year) working on it I think you can just relax this season and maybe campaign hard next year

You better start writing that book!!
it doesnt bother me personally that they dont say it, i dont care if the greeter at a store says anything. They are usually clueless 70+ years old or older. It was just evidence to the theme of de-christmazing the christmas season.

a simple google search for doubting sova heres a town that banned xmas songs but the kids sing hanekuh songs .... IN WISCONSIN home of very few christians, and outside israel home to the most jews inthe world

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/ar...TICLE_ID=47749
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Old December 4th, 2006, 06:17 PM   #20
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more on the way doubing sova:

heres one from msnbc which you have sourced so it has to be credible.

"There have been several other publicized disputes in New Jersey towns, including Egg Harbor Township. The school board there voted earlier this month to remove “Silent Night” from an elementary school holiday program after a parent complained, then voted to reinstate the song after the complaint was withdrawn. The program already included songs celebrating Hanukkah and Kwanzaa."

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6745305/
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