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Old August 29th, 2013, 01:55 AM   #41
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My rents charged me, $200/month. I got it all back when I moved out. I was working full time while in school.
Yeah but that's in Euros or whatever you surrender monkeys use, so it doesn't relate well to this topic.
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Old August 29th, 2013, 08:31 AM   #42
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Sounds like parents did not do any "parenting" in the generation you describe. I like to think that those are disfunctional "families" that you describe and not the norm.
You judge based on not knowing anything. Every family is dysfunctional, every single one. There is no perfect family, to include yours. There is an issue I see with you, but to refrain from calling kettle black, I will withold. One thing you could keep in mind, is as perfect a handle you have on your family, is that somewhere you are screwing up. It's no ones business to judge, but stop thinking you are above everyone. You have had this attitude before.

Wanna know something? I come from a dysfunctional family. Horribly sexually, emotionally, and physically abused mom, and due to this childhood abuse, she was absent from my life most of my childhood. My father was a very angry controlling absent father who was also a workaholic. Youngest sister is mentally handicapped. Dysfunctional? Hell yea. Am I screwed up as a man? A productive person of society? Possibly. I'm an asshole, prick, but I pray, go to church, and have a conscience on how I treat others. Honesty is a core value, and patriotic spirit too. I don't always agree with what I even do for a living, but my ethics keeps me employed and I earn my check honestly.

So for you to take this 'high road' and say you will never charge your children rent for living in your own house, be sure you don't disservice them further by reducing other valuable lessons available to you. And don't judge someone else for their methods of parenting either. I may have come from a screwed up family, but they charged me rent to live their when I got my first job. It didn't screw me up, it did hurt some paydays, but it taught me something. Sure, it didn't teach me EVERYTHING, but there is MERIT in my parents raising me the way they did.

You very well may have a different approach on teaching your kids the value of being mature, but stop your arrogance on others for how they may have done things. You aren't on any posters I've ever seen for perfect parenting.

:end rant:
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Old August 29th, 2013, 09:05 AM   #43
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15 credits and 2 jobs, that's 9 credits and 2 jobs more than most young adults these days, no rent is my vote.
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Old August 29th, 2013, 09:12 AM   #44
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I only lived with my parents for the first 2 semesters of college (moved out right after winter semester was over) and I only had a low paying job for the first semester.

I was taking 17 credits and working about 25 hrs a week, between gas to get to work/school, occasional lunch on campus during my long days and my bills I would not have been able to pay even $50 a month to my parents. I also did a lot of work around the house, so as long as she is doing her part and getting good grades I say no rent.
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Old August 29th, 2013, 09:26 AM   #45
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Charging your 18+ year old child rent seems like a pretty white trash thing to do when they are working towards bettering themselves and building a future, ie going to college.
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Old August 29th, 2013, 09:28 AM   #46
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Charging your 18+ year old child rent seems like a pretty white trash thing to do when they are working towards bettering themselves and building a future, ie going to college.
Harsh. You don't have children, do you?
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Old August 29th, 2013, 09:35 AM   #47
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My parents charged us rent if we were not in school (regardless of whether or not we were working full time). I plan to do the same with my kids.

I do like the idea that some have mentioned that if you do charge them rent to put it away for them so that when they do move out you can give it back to help with their rent.
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Old August 29th, 2013, 09:44 AM   #48
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Harsh. You don't have children, do you?
How is that harsh?
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Old August 29th, 2013, 09:48 AM   #49
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$0 a month if you like your kid and don't care if they stay.
$50 a month rent to "teach" your kid responsibilities.
$100 a month if you like your kid, but want help with utilities/groceries
$500 a month if you can't stand your kid
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Old August 29th, 2013, 09:57 AM   #50
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Wow, I couldn't charge rent for a good kid going to school and working 2 jobs. Its rare these days to find a kid that wants to continue education and doesn't expect to be given everything because its their right as a kid. The most I would do is charge 50 a month for utilities cable internet ect. Save all the money and give it back to them when they leave.
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Old August 29th, 2013, 10:11 AM   #51
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Originally Posted by tsaguy View Post
You judge based on not knowing anything. Every family is dysfunctional, every single one. There is no perfect family, to include yours. There is an issue I see with you, but to refrain from calling kettle black, I will withold. One thing you could keep in mind, is as perfect a handle you have on your family, is that somewhere you are screwing up. It's no ones business to judge, but stop thinking you are above everyone. You have had this attitude before.

Wanna know something? I come from a dysfunctional family. Horribly sexually, emotionally, and physically abused mom, and due to this childhood abuse, she was absent from my life most of my childhood. My father was a very angry controlling absent father who was also a workaholic. Youngest sister is mentally handicapped. Dysfunctional? Hell yea. Am I screwed up as a man? A productive person of society? Possibly. I'm an asshole, prick, but I pray, go to church, and have a conscience on how I treat others. Honesty is a core value, and patriotic spirit too. I don't always agree with what I even do for a living, but my ethics keeps me employed and I earn my check honestly.

So for you to take this 'high road' and say you will never charge your children rent for living in your own house, be sure you don't disservice them further by reducing other valuable lessons available to you. And don't judge someone else for their methods of parenting either. I may have come from a screwed up family, but they charged me rent to live their when I got my first job. It didn't screw me up, it did hurt some paydays, but it taught me something. Sure, it didn't teach me EVERYTHING, but there is MERIT in my parents raising me the way they did.

You very well may have a different approach on teaching your kids the value of being mature, but stop your arrogance on others for how they may have done things. You aren't on any posters I've ever seen for perfect parenting.

:end rant:
Well written.

I had a friend who was single at the time and spent alot of time around our house when my 2 daughters were in their early teens. He made more than one comment to me that I was too hard on my kids. However, he was the first one to act like a big brother to them and compliment to others about how well behaved my daughters were. A little irony here? He now has 5 daughters but lives out of state & they are still pretty young but I'm curious to see how his parenting goes.

My older daughter asked me more than once how come her younger sister got away with things that she didn't. My best answer is that parenting is OJT (on the job training). No one goes to school for it and no one can gain work experience until a situation happens. People don't know what parenting is like till they have to rush a sick kid to the doctor at 3:00am or have a choking child and panic sets in. My oldest choked on a hard candy and started choking. I grabbed her and headed out the door only to catch myself that she would be dead before I got to the doctor. I held her upside down while my wife stuck her finger up her throat. She coughed it out. Right thing to do? You tell me when you have never experienced it before. So back to my daughter's question, you learn as you go, and on top of that, each child is different and reacts differently to the same upbringing.

Bottom line is that no one is perfect, nor has all the perfect answers. I didn't pay for all of my kid's college & felt that as long as they were working their way through college, I wouldn't charge them rent. It worked for us and for them.

Anyone who thinks they have all the answers, especially if they have never hit that point in life, does not have the answers...... only opinions.
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Old August 29th, 2013, 10:41 AM   #52
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How is that harsh?
I think he's referring to you claiming to charge a kid rent makes one white trash.

I mean, he's got a good point, especially when you consider his rhetorical question about having kids.
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Old August 29th, 2013, 10:44 AM   #53
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Originally Posted by whiterhino View Post
Well written.

I had a friend who was single at the time and spent alot of time around our house when my 2 daughters were in their early teens. He made more than one comment to me that I was too hard on my kids. However, he was the first one to act like a big brother to them and compliment to others about how well behaved my daughters were. A little irony here? He now has 5 daughters but lives out of state & they are still pretty young but I'm curious to see how his parenting goes.

My older daughter asked me more than once how come her younger sister got away with things that she didn't. My best answer is that parenting is OJT (on the job training). No one goes to school for it and no one can gain work experience until a situation happens. People don't know what parenting is like till they have to rush a sick kid to the doctor at 3:00am or have a choking child and panic sets in. My oldest choked on a hard candy and started choking. I grabbed her and headed out the door only to catch myself that she would be dead before I got to the doctor. I held her upside down while my wife stuck her finger up her throat. She coughed it out. Right thing to do? You tell me when you have never experienced it before. So back to my daughter's question, you learn as you go, and on top of that, each child is different and reacts differently to the same upbringing.

Bottom line is that no one is perfect, nor has all the perfect answers. I didn't pay for all of my kid's college & felt that as long as they were working their way through college, I wouldn't charge them rent. It worked for us and for them.

Anyone who thinks they have all the answers, especially if they have never hit that point in life, does not have the answers...... only opinions.
Since you quoted TSAguy I didn't.

But I agree with both of your posts and feel you have both put well thought out well written responses together.

NOTHING annoys me more than hearing a "non" parent tell me I am doing something wrong with MY children.

That said, my dad always tells me I am too hard on my son. I have tried to lighten up. I believe that I have, there are certain things that I just can't figure out how to correct, though minor, I still think they need some attention to make sure they do not become major issues at any point in time.
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Old August 29th, 2013, 11:28 AM   #54
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Originally Posted by kickstand View Post
Since you quoted TSAguy I didn't.

But I agree with both of your posts and feel you have both put well thought out well written responses together.

NOTHING annoys me more than hearing a "non" parent tell me I am doing something wrong with MY children.

That said, my dad always tells me I am too hard on my son. I have tried to lighten up. I believe that I have, there are certain things that I just can't figure out how to correct, though minor, I still think they need some attention to make sure they do not become major issues at any point in time.
When in doubt and I'm watching my nieces/nephew, I refer to the parenting methods of Helen Boucher.

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Old August 29th, 2013, 11:55 AM   #55
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Seems to me like there's almost infinite possibilities/scenarios to your question. Is your kid holding decent grades, helping wash dishes, paying all her own bills (i.e. car ins, tuition, fees, books, etc) and possibly stashing some money in the bank? If yes then I'd say help her out a bit.
OTOH, if you're paying tuition, helping out with car &gas and she's out partying on the weekends blowing her money then heck yeah I'd charge.
It's all going to depend on your particular situation. I know I had to pay some and no, I didn't get any back either
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Old August 29th, 2013, 12:07 PM   #56
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@DaveRamsey: Teach your kids how to handle money or they will be in your basement until they are 32.
I agree with you.

My daughters are 7 and 9 respectively (if anyone asks for pics, I will personally gouge the requesters's eye out and skull fukc the hole.) I have already started the process of explaining to them that I will provide for them as long as they are attending school and working. I am not willing to pay their tuition but I will at least make sure they have a ride, a roof, and food while they try to better themselves. I've also told them that if they choose not to attend college, they must move out at 18 and start being adults. That's not to say I will not help them get started and I will always be in the background making sure everything is ok. If they daughters are fighting the good fight, I'll cover for them. If they are broke because of partying or bad decisions, sucks to be them, go get a second job.

So in summary, I guess my vote is for not charging the kid rent. She seems like a go getter and as long as she is trying to better herself you are helping her move forward in life by providing shelter for her. If she strays from the path of responsiblity, then you might want to charge rent.

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Old August 29th, 2013, 12:34 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by whiterhino View Post
Well written.

I had a friend who was single at the time and spent alot of time around our house when my 2 daughters were in their early teens. He made more than one comment to me that I was too hard on my kids. However, he was the first one to act like a big brother to them and compliment to others about how well behaved my daughters were. A little irony here? He now has 5 daughters but lives out of state & they are still pretty young but I'm curious to see how his parenting goes.

My older daughter asked me more than once how come her younger sister got away with things that she didn't. My best answer is that parenting is OJT (on the job training). No one goes to school for it and no one can gain work experience until a situation happens. People don't know what parenting is like till they have to rush a sick kid to the doctor at 3:00am or have a choking child and panic sets in. My oldest choked on a hard candy and started choking. I grabbed her and headed out the door only to catch myself that she would be dead before I got to the doctor. I held her upside down while my wife stuck her finger up her throat. She coughed it out. Right thing to do? You tell me when you have never experienced it before. So back to my daughter's question, you learn as you go, and on top of that, each child is different and reacts differently to the same upbringing.

Bottom line is that no one is perfect, nor has all the perfect answers. I didn't pay for all of my kid's college & felt that as long as they were working their way through college, I wouldn't charge them rent. It worked for us and for them.

Anyone who thinks they have all the answers, especially if they have never hit that point in life, does not have the answers...... only opinions.
For my first time experience with my kid choking was like yours. Know with a second kid you hit them on the back they spit it out and you just keep on going like nothing happens. It is amazing how your outlook changes as you are parenting for longer periods of time.
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Old August 29th, 2013, 12:42 PM   #58
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Originally Posted by Dave Kerwin View Post
@DaveRamsey: Teach your kids how to handle money or they will be in your basement until they are 32.
x2 My dad charging me rent ($100 a month) has taught me a Whole lot of responsibility with money. I feel like at my age and still living there its just as much my part to help out with the bills as it is his to pay them. Now weather or not he is saving that money to give to me later on I have no clue.
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Old August 29th, 2013, 12:49 PM   #59
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Originally Posted by tsaguy View Post
You judge based on not knowing anything. Every family is dysfunctional, every single one. There is no perfect family, to include yours. There is an issue I see with you, but to refrain from calling kettle black, I will withold. One thing you could keep in mind, is as perfect a handle you have on your family, is that somewhere you are screwing up. It's no ones business to judge, but stop thinking you are above everyone. You have had this attitude before.

Wanna know something? I come from a dysfunctional family. Horribly sexually, emotionally, and physically abused mom, and due to this childhood abuse, she was absent from my life most of my childhood. My father was a very angry controlling absent father who was also a workaholic. Youngest sister is mentally handicapped. Dysfunctional? Hell yea. Am I screwed up as a man? A productive person of society? Possibly. I'm an asshole, prick, but I pray, go to church, and have a conscience on how I treat others. Honesty is a core value, and patriotic spirit too. I don't always agree with what I even do for a living, but my ethics keeps me employed and I earn my check honestly.

So for you to take this 'high road' and say you will never charge your children rent for living in your own house, be sure you don't disservice them further by reducing other valuable lessons available to you. And don't judge someone else for their methods of parenting either. I may have come from a screwed up family, but they charged me rent to live their when I got my first job. It didn't screw me up, it did hurt some paydays, but it taught me something. Sure, it didn't teach me EVERYTHING, but there is MERIT in my parents raising me the way they did.

You very well may have a different approach on teaching your kids the value of being mature, but stop your arrogance on others for how they may have done things. You aren't on any posters I've ever seen for perfect parenting.

:end rant:
I feel empathy for what you went through, but I believe you are missing the point.

I'm not sure where this rant came from. I wasn't saying I'm a perfect parent or even that I'm a good one. I try to do my best, just like a lot of parents try their best. Then we have those from dysfanctional families that either do not care to try their best, or they simply can't because they lack a point of reference since their own childhood was a mess.

All families cannot be dysfunctional, because then, that would be the norm. :)

All families may have certain traits or behavior that characterizes a dysfanctional family. I think this is what you were trying to say, however that does not make all families dysfunctional.

I wasn't even saying that parents who came from dysfanctional families are not able to be good parents to their children.

I was replying to this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jiveturkey
Entitled fuckface, Obama phone toting, food stamp using, debt dodging, welfare living generation.
I see this as proof that something, somewhere went wrong in bringing up these kids if they have this attitude towards life.

Thinking more about charging my kids rent, I would still not charge them rent to live with me, but if they turned out to be scum or leeches, I would rather throw them out of my house than support their behavior by providing them "cheap" place to live.
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Old August 29th, 2013, 01:02 PM   #60
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I see this as proof that something, somewhere went wrong in bringing up these kids if they have this attitude towards life.

Thinking more about charging my kids rent, I would still not charge them rent to live with me, but if they turned out to be scum or leeches, I would rather throw them out of my house than support their behavior by providing them "cheap" place to live.
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