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Old January 25th, 2010, 07:58 PM   #1
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I'm not your friend, loser
Before July of last year I was the owner of two cars; one: an awesome royal blue, turbo charged, with leather interior Audi TT convertible - I know it's a fucking chick car, ok. I loved it nonetheless. The other: an all black with grey interior, cigarette burns, and a missing door handle Chevy Prism (very reliable, very shitty).

Like all things I do (eating too much, being faggy) I was nothing short of impulsive. Before buying the Audi I gave no thought into what it's like to own two cars (one that can only be driven in the summer no less). No surprise to anyone that isn't an impulsive jizz rocket like me, it was a complete pain in my dick hole. The Audi is a rich woman/homo's toy, and though it seems sometimes that I am half of those two things, apparently not enough to own one.

* * *

I was ecstatic, when in late July of 2009 when I finally found a dealership that could make the trade work out. I gave them my two cars and drove off in a 2004 black Jeep Wrangler. "This car is the shit" I thought to myself. There was only one of it that I would deal with; I had room to bang sluts (that's a lie. The jeep is small, so a bathroom is still the only option), and the top came off (like my mom's when it's time to love her). The purchase was also my ticket into an exclusive club of Jeep owning tools, that I have nothing but deep seeded hatred for less than one year later.

From what I can tell based on the zero amounts of research I've done on this: Some friendless Wrangler owner got caught stroking his pimpled wiener to the chunky broad in the Jeep next to him. After sharing a moment of uncomfortable glances he awkwardly stuck his greasy palm in the air and gave her a wave. She uncomfortably did the same before they both drove off. These two misfits, no doubt feeling the smallest amount of human interaction inadvertently invented "The Jeep Wave".

Here's a scenario I go through every single day: I turn left off of my street. While driving down the main road that intersects my street, I see another Jeep. As I slump my head and sigh, I feebly stick my sausage like digits in the air. They do the same but with fervor that I can't muster up even when I try. I continue on my way slowing as I approach the intersection ahead. Well, wouldn't you know it? A jeep sits directly ahead in the opposite left turn lane. This time a woman in a maroon Wrangle with a massive lift (the lift people are the worst because of how much more intense they are - women especially. They're no doubt on their way to get muff, and are excited). I repeat the process and give a wave. This will happen to me all day. You never notice how many of these wheely bricks are on the road till you drive one.


So that's right - every time I pass a Jeep there is an assumption that both people will gaily wave at each other, or stick their fore and middle finger up (the same finger they put in their mouths and butts). You also have the option to nod your head and acknowledge that both of you are gayer than all other drivers on the road. If one of those three things is not done then you are an asshole..

If you think that I'm just being a complainer you may be right. It's probably nothing to make any kind of deal about. But to me it's as painful as trying to wash all the parts of my fat body or not smelling the TP after I wipe. It just grates on you.

I know that I'm going to get massive amounts of shit for writing this. Obviously Jeep owners are a sensitive bunch. I beg though... Please stop waving at me. Please stop nodding your head at me. Please stop sticking your fingers up at me. Please stop making me feel even more losery than I already do.

I love my car.Really though, like you: it's not the coolest thing in the world.
This is posted on Freebeerandhotwings.com
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Old January 25th, 2010, 08:01 PM   #2
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I don't read freebeerandhotwings............

I do read freescotchandbarebreasts

ok......


I made that up........


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Old January 25th, 2010, 08:05 PM   #3
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think i heard them read an edited version of this
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Old January 25th, 2010, 08:08 PM   #4
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Producer Joe FTW!!!!!
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Old January 25th, 2010, 11:58 PM   #5
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I don't think they are funny.
Long live Rick, Darla, and Scott.
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Old January 26th, 2010, 12:53 AM   #6
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"and the top came off (like my mom's when it's time to love her)"


I don't know what to say to that.
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Old January 26th, 2010, 01:48 AM   #7
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they're not funny ! Bob and Tom were funny these clowns are not.. I dont know WHY the Banana ever replaced bob and tom with these guys.. nor do i know why they ditched Eric and Carson in the afternoons.. Eric and Carson were the one reason i turned my XM off and listened to normal radio
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Old January 26th, 2010, 02:00 AM   #8
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i cant stand bob and tom. they throw crappy punch lines then just laugh at it for longer than necesary to fill time. im not gonna say free beer and hotwings are always funny bc they have their bad moments but overall they have a good show. and nobody can come close to the Joe Stunts
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Old January 26th, 2010, 02:04 AM   #9
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Mclovin, how long did you listen to FB&HW?
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Old January 26th, 2010, 02:09 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by lets blaze View Post
Mclovin, how long did you listen to FB&HW?
not very.. i listened to them in the morning for a couple days when i worked in a shop.. then i brought my Xm in and hooked that up.. the others guys in the shop didnt mind either..

I guess if i listened longer they might have had some good stuff but I wasnt a fan..
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Old January 26th, 2010, 02:10 AM   #11
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not very.. i listened to them in the morning for a couple days when i worked in a shop.. then i brought my Xm in and hooked that up.. the others guys in the shop didnt mind either..

I guess if i listened longer they might have had some good stuff but I wasnt a fan..
You saying you could do it better?
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Seems that 1/2 these people need to use periods and the other half need to get off their periods.
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Old January 26th, 2010, 02:13 AM   #12
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You saying you could do it better?
oh god no !
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Old January 26th, 2010, 02:15 AM   #13
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Haha, that story is so true.
Whenever I'm in my friends Jeep... EVERY other Jeep driver does the "Jeep Wave" I was like; Do those people know your or something? And hes like; Nope, its just a Jeep Thing.

When driving my Jetta, I will occasionally get a nod from a fellow VW owner... but nothing as frequent as the Jeep Wave. For all I know, they were having a twitch that looked like a nod.

I'll just keep driving my waveless german car that was built in mexico.
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Old January 26th, 2010, 02:16 AM   #14
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alot of their jokes are sorta inside jokes and stuff that has happened before on the show. if you just suck it up and listen for a week or 2 so you understand whats going on you would be surprised. but dont expect to figure out who is who i still cant hardly tell them apart lol
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Old January 26th, 2010, 02:19 AM   #15
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I haz no probs telling them apart.
Hell I had Eric Zanes old car.
http://www.greatlakes4x4.com/showthr...=72+bonneville

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Old January 26th, 2010, 02:24 AM   #16
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i guess im just slow
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Old January 26th, 2010, 06:46 AM   #17
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I love Free Beer and Hot Wings!


As for the douchy guy that hates the jeep wave thing...
He should have kept his faggy Audi.
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Old January 26th, 2010, 07:29 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by MusKegon_ZJ_gurl View Post
I love Free Beer and Hot Wings!


As for the douchy guy that hates the jeep wave thing...
He should have kept his faggy Audi.
You must be the girl in the lifted jeep.
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Old January 26th, 2010, 07:55 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Monkeyevil View Post
I don't think they are funny.
Long live Rick, Darla, and Scott.
ahh. I remember them...that was along time ago. To the original post, I would have kept the TT. :)
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Old January 26th, 2010, 12:54 PM   #20
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i cant stand bob and tom. they throw crappy punch lines then just laugh at it for longer than necesary to fill time.
Yes. I can't stand those fucking clowns for that single reason.

Eric & Carson were excellent. Quite entertaining at the bar, as well.
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