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Old January 12th, 2010, 01:57 PM   #1
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Default History Lesson

Subject: History 101

History 101


For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass..

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self
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Old January 12th, 2010, 02:41 PM   #2
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Old January 12th, 2010, 03:03 PM   #3
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i do not think anyone could have put that history lesson together any better, that just made my fuckin day , thanks
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Old January 12th, 2010, 03:05 PM   #4
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I have shared with as many people as I'm able thank you
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Old January 12th, 2010, 04:25 PM   #5
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Bwwhaaaa awesome!
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Old January 12th, 2010, 06:01 PM   #6
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good one almost all of it is true.
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Old January 12th, 2010, 06:08 PM   #7
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I think you may be an idiot. I guess it was kind of humorous though.
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Old January 12th, 2010, 08:18 PM   #8
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I think you may be an idiot. I guess it was kind of humorous though.


meet

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Old January 12th, 2010, 08:22 PM   #9
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meet

Oh the irony.
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Old January 12th, 2010, 09:16 PM   #10
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Oh the irony.
you got that steveo, thats good. you do have a sence of humor
BTW how was your birthday?
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Old January 13th, 2010, 10:56 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by Xj Wheeler View Post
I think you may be an idiot. I guess it was kind of humorous though.
That's ok, society needs sewers, fetchers, and hairdressers. There will be a place for you.
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Old January 13th, 2010, 11:01 AM   #12
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Oh the irony.
kettle meet kettle bewhahahaha. he couldnt even get that shit right.

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Old January 13th, 2010, 11:52 AM   #13
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Domestic macrobrew beers suck. Raw fish is tasty.

I agree with the rest :lol:
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Old January 13th, 2010, 02:46 PM   #14
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kettle meet kettle bewhahahaha. he couldnt even get that shit right.

the first is a tea pot. google image wasnt co-operating with me
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Old January 13th, 2010, 07:24 PM   #15
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you got that steveo, thats good. you do have a sence of humor
BTW how was your birthday?
Its the 23rd of this month.
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Old January 13th, 2010, 07:25 PM   #16
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That's ok, society needs sewers, fetchers, and hairdressers. There will be a place for you.
prison most likely.
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Old January 13th, 2010, 07:56 PM   #17
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prison most likely.
Unfortunately, as aj proved time and time again, they have computers in prison.
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Old January 14th, 2010, 10:06 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJJEEP View Post
Subject: History 101

History 101


For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass..

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self
.

Last edited by AGoodBuzz; January 14th, 2010 at 10:12 AM.
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Old January 14th, 2010, 10:11 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJJEEP View Post
Subject: History 101

History 101


For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass..

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self
I know this in jest, but I noticed that "domestication of cats" was mentioned. I gave this some thought and:

1. As I recall, domestication of cats actually dates back to ancient times (Mesopotamia, Greece? Not sure). They were kept and revered by the ruling (privileged) class.
2. The ruling (privileged) class, by the logic of this post, would be liberals, since everyone else did the hard work while they reaped the benefits.
3. The ruling (privileged) class in England, the kings and queens, dukes and duchesses, barons and baronesses, would also (by this post’s logic) be liberals.
4. The people that did all the hard work, the working class, would be the conservatives.
5. Therefore, by the logic of this post, the liberals reaped the benefits of the work done by the conservatives.
6. The CEO’s of corporations reap the benefits of the hard work done by the working class too, all the while setting policy to control who gets what, and how the working class should go about reaping all this good stuff for them, and how much of it they must give up, much like what was described in the post.
7. I don’t believe any of us are in the ruling (privileged) class. I know that those of you calling yourself conservatives are certainly not.
8. So I ask myself, “Self, why is it that the people calling themselves conservatives, the working class, would so staunchly defend a system that is in the best interest of the ruling (privileged) class, and so detrimental to the working class?”.


Well, here’s my answer:

1. Because our media is owned by the ruling (privileged) class, we get our information from them. That has been true since the day every one of us was born. They even own the companies that publish our text books we study in school, and the teachers studied before us.
2. To keep us from confronting their selfishness they use a classic propaganda technique of “framing the argument”.
3. For example, getting people to argue about HOW or WHEN something should be done is an easy way to keep them from arguing about whether or not it should be done in the first place.
4. Discrediting your foe is a great technique too. If someone reveals the truth about something you don’t want brought out, or presents an argument for which you have no valuable rebuttal, just attack the person in a way that changes the subject (Toes uses this technique quite frequently). For example, you tell people the sky is green. I hold up a sample of the color blue and the color green and point out that the sky is blue. You respond by pointing out that only a fag knows colors very well, then raise the question of whether or not I’m a fag, and what was I doing carrying around color samples in the first place. That’s way juicier, so everyone now wants to know if I’m a fag, and the green sky argument is forgotten.
5. By controlling the media you can create the appearance of lively debate by having “conservative” and “liberal” networks debating each other on various issues, but controlling the argument the whole time. The example above could be used, and taken even further they could go in to a whole investigative process (both sides) of trying to prove or disprove the person’s sexual orientation. They could stretch it in to whole feature segments of “Gays in Government: Should it be Allowed?”, and both sides could point fingers at each other, and the whole time the original statement I made goes completely unmentioned.
6. “Sleight of hand” is another really good one. Sort of like the Wizard of Oz, “Ignore the man behind the curtain.”. Create a diversion, an argument that you know is a really divisive issue, and get both sides going at it really good, then you can casually go about your other nefarious business and no one even notices.
7. “Smearing” is really good. Just make an accusation that is so ridiculously over the top that there’s just no way to defend yourself. Accuse someone of being a child molester and no one will ever let him near their children again, no matter what he says or does, you have nothing to substantiate ite the accusation, and it couldn’t be further from the truth.


So Self and I have decided that we shouldn’t be upset or angry with any of you because you want to fight so hard to defend an economic system that will reward those that don’t care about you, because you have been fooled by propaganda. Hey, it can happen to anyone… It fooled the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, and the Lion… Of course Dorothy, the girl liberal that sewed and fetched things and wanted to help people in need with no expectation of repayment, saw right through it.

Okaybye.
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Old January 14th, 2010, 12:31 PM   #20
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Good reply, AGB.

I don't think it is (or should be) "conservatives" v. "liberals"; IMHO, it boils down to most politicians are greedy, power-hungry addlepates.
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