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Old November 21st, 2008, 02:55 PM   #81
homerdogeo8
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What's the difference between a truck and a woman?

You can always find an owner's manual for the truck.
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Old November 21st, 2008, 02:57 PM   #82
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Quote:
Originally Posted by v2win View Post
> Fellow Business Executives:
>
> As the CFO of this business that employees 140 people, I have resigned
> myself to the fact that Barrack Obama will be our next President, and
> that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.
>
>
> To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Clients will have
> to see an increase in our fees to them of about 8%. But since we cannot
> increase our fees right now due to the dismal state of our economy, we
> will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This has really been
> eating at me for a while, as we believe we are family here and I didn't
> know how to choose who will have to go.
>
>
> So, this is what I did. I strolled through our parking lot and found 6
> Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these
> folks will be the first to be laid off. I can't think of a more fair
> way to approach this problem. These folks wanted change; I gave it to
> them.
>
>
>
> If you have a better idea, let me know.
>
Liked this one the best!
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Old November 21st, 2008, 03:02 PM   #83
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Quote:
Originally Posted by v2win View Post
> Fellow Business Executives:
>
> As the CFO of this business that employees 140 people, I have resigned
> myself to the fact that Barrack Obama will be our next President, and
> that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.
>
>
> To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Clients will have
> to see an increase in our fees to them of about 8%. But since we cannot
> increase our fees right now due to the dismal state of our economy, we
> will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This has really been
> eating at me for a while, as we believe we are family here and I didn't
> know how to choose who will have to go.
>
>
> So, this is what I did. I strolled through our parking lot and found 6
> Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these
> folks will be the first to be laid off. I can't think of a more fair
> way to approach this problem. These folks wanted change; I gave it to
> them.
>
>
>
> If you have a better idea, let me know.
>
Outstanding!
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Old November 21st, 2008, 04:25 PM   #84
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Quote:
Originally Posted by v2win View Post
> Fellow Business Executives:
>
> As the CFO of this business that employees 140 people, I have resigned
> myself to the fact that Barrack Obama will be our next President, and
> that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.
>
>
> To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Clients will have
> to see an increase in our fees to them of about 8%. But since we cannot
> increase our fees right now due to the dismal state of our economy, we
> will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This has really been
> eating at me for a while, as we believe we are family here and I didn't
> know how to choose who will have to go.
>
>
> So, this is what I did. I strolled through our parking lot and found 6
> Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these
> folks will be the first to be laid off. I can't think of a more fair
> way to approach this problem. These folks wanted change; I gave it to
> them.
>
>
>
> If you have a better idea, let me know.
>
Best statement ever!
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Old November 21st, 2008, 04:58 PM   #85
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1) What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.



2) What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.


3) How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw.


4) What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his ass.
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Old November 21st, 2008, 05:29 PM   #86
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I am half black half mexican naturally blonde and jewish.
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Old November 21st, 2008, 06:00 PM   #87
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After numerous rounds of 'We
don't even know if Osama is still alive', Barrack
Obama has now been telling everyone he will capture Osama
Bin Laden when elected.

So, Osama Bin Laden, himself, decided to
send Barrack Obama a letter in his own handwriting to let
him know he was still in the game.

Obama opened the letter and it contained
a signature and a single line of coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Obama was baffled so he e-mailed it to
Howard Dean.

Dean and the DNC and his aides had no
clue either so they sent it to Joe Biden.

Joe Biden could not solve so it was sent
to the FBI and the CIA.

And within minutes they e-mailed Obama
with this reply:

'Tell Obama he's holding the
message upside down'.
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Old November 21st, 2008, 06:03 PM   #88
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Nugget's drycleaner joke and the Obama bumper sticker one are my favs!!
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Old November 21st, 2008, 06:06 PM   #89
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Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place.

First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, 'Fishing or Sex?'
She said, 'Wear sun-block.'"
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Old November 21st, 2008, 09:14 PM   #90
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A grasshopper walks into a bar,
the bartender says,"Hey little fellah, we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshoppers says, "Really!? You have a drink named Murray?"
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Old November 21st, 2008, 09:15 PM   #91
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MUDFLAPS View Post
I am half black half mexican naturally blonde and jewish.
And your ass is as tight as your Jewish heritage. Hot times - thanks!
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Old November 21st, 2008, 09:26 PM   #92
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What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an Oriental?

A car thief who can't drive.
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Old November 21st, 2008, 11:14 PM   #93
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whats black and blue and hates anal sex?















the 12 year old girl in my closet.
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Old November 22nd, 2008, 07:59 AM   #94
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Quote:
Originally Posted by creeping death View Post
whats black and blue and hates anal sex?

the 12 year old girl in my closet.
Does it take the pain away then you make jokes based on your childhood?
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Old November 22nd, 2008, 08:29 AM   #95
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Originally Posted by clint357 View Post
Does it take the pain away then you make jokes based on your childhood?
Hey dumbass, maybe you only laugh at knock knock jokes, and other lame ass shit, but in the land of the free try to refrain from fucking with others rights to have as dark a sense of humor as they choose to.
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Old November 22nd, 2008, 09:42 AM   #96
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clint357 View Post
Does it take the pain away then you make jokes based on your childhood?
oh, did i offend you?
don't like em?
don't read em.
sorry you are so sensitive.
and again,
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Old November 22nd, 2008, 09:51 AM   #97
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MISHOWJEEPER View Post
Hey dumbass, maybe you only laugh at knock knock jokes, and other lame ass shit, but in the land of the free try to refrain from fucking with others rights to have as dark a sense of humor as they choose to.
HEY ASSHOLE! I think it's his dark past he's trying to make light of, Not his dark sense of humor.....or yours. Try therapy fellas, I heard it worked for others like you.
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Old November 22nd, 2008, 09:56 AM   #98
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clint357 View Post
Does it take the pain away then you make jokes based on your childhood?
Quote:
Originally Posted by IDIeselman View Post
HEY ASSHOLE! I think it's his dark past he's trying to make light of, Not his dark sense of humor.....or yours. Try therapy fellas, I heard it worked for others like you.
and your "insert racial slur here" /mexican jokes are any better ?

they are just mad because there 12 year old got away



A little boy and a pedophile are walking in the deep, dark, woods. The little boy says,

"Mister, I'm scared! These woods are really creepy."

The pedophile replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back all by myself."
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Last edited by creeping death; November 22nd, 2008 at 10:02 AM.
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Old November 22nd, 2008, 10:06 AM   #99
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Quote:
Originally Posted by creeping death View Post
and your "insert racial slur here" /mexican jokes are any better ?

they are just mad because there 12 year old got away



A little boy and a pedophile are walking in the deep, dark, woods. The little boy says,

"Mister, I'm scared! These woods are really creepy."

The pedophile replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back all by myself."
LMMFAO!
thats some funny shit right there!!!
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Old November 22nd, 2008, 05:21 PM   #100
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A man from Beijing and a man from Houston went to a restaurant in Vancouver. They asked the waitress how many kinds of tea she had. She told them she only had one.

The guy from beijing said, "In Beijing, we have 3 kinds of tea."
"We have Jasmine. It’s 90% aroma and 10% substance."
"We have Oolong. It’s 10% aroma and 90% substance."
"We have Dragon Well. That is preferred."

Then the guy from Houston said, "In Houston, we also have 3 kinds of tea."
"We have F A R tea. It’s 99% aroma and 1% substance."
"We have S H I tea. It’s 1% aroma and 99% substance."
"We have C U N tea. That’s preferred!"
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