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Old September 8th, 2008, 08:24 PM   #1
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Default 100% Proof for Evolution

Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain



DAYTON, TN—A steady stream of devoted evolutionists continued to gather in this small Tennessee town today to witness what many believe is an image of Charles Darwin—author of The Origin Of Species and founder of the modern evolutionary movement—made manifest on a concrete wall in downtown Dayton.

"I brought my baby to touch the wall, so that the power of Darwin can purify her genetic makeup of undesirable inherited traits," said Darlene Freiberg, one among a growing crowd assembled here to see the mysterious stain, which appeared last Monday on one side of the Rhea County Courthouse. The building was also the location of the famed "Scopes Monkey Trial" and is widely considered one of Darwinism's holiest sites. "Forgive me, O Charles, for ever doubting your Divine Evolution. After seeing this miracle of limestone pigmentation with my own eyes, my faith in empirical reasoning will never again be tested."

Added Freiberg, "Behold the power and glory of the scientific method!"

Since witnesses first reported the unexplained marking—which appears to resemble a 19th-century male figure with a high forehead and large beard—this normally quiet town has become a hotbed of biological zealotry. Thousands of pilgrims from as far away as Berkeley's paleoanthropology department have flocked to the site to lay wreaths of flowers, light devotional candles, read aloud from Darwin's works, and otherwise pay homage to the mysterious blue-green stain.

Capitalizing on the influx of empirical believers, street vendors have sprung up across Dayton, selling evolutionary relics and artwork to the thousands of pilgrims waiting to catch a glimpse of the image. Available for sale are everything from small wooden shards alleged to be fragments of the "One True Beagle"—the research vessel on which Darwin made his legendary voyage to the Galapagos Islands—to lecture notes purportedly touched by English evolutionist Alfred Russel Wallace.

"I have never felt closer to Darwin's ideas," said zoologist Fred Granger, who waited in line for 16 hours to view the stain. "May his name be praised and his theories on natural selection echo in all the halls of naturalistic observation forever."

Despite the enthusiasm the so-called "Darwin Smudge" has generated among the evolutionary faithful, disagreement remains as to its origin. Some believe the image is actually closer to the visage of Stephen Jay Gould, longtime columnist for Natural History magazine and originator of the theory of punctuated equilibrium, and is therefore proof of rapid cladogenesis. A smaller minority contend it is the face of Carl Sagan, and should be viewed as a warning to those nonbelievers who have not yet seen his hit PBS series Cosmos: A Personal Voyage.

Still others have attempted to discredit the miracle entirely, claiming that there are several alternate explanations for the appearance of the unexplained discoloration.

"It's a stain on a wall, and nothing more," said the Rev. Clement McCoy, a professor at Oral Roberts University and prominent opponent of evolutionary theory. "Anything else is the delusional fantasy of a fanatical evolutionist mindset that sees only what it wishes to see in the hopes of validating a baseless, illogical belief system. I only hope these heretics see the error of their ways before our Most Powerful God smites them all in His vengeance."

But those who have made the long journey to Dayton remain steadfast in their belief that natural selection—a process by which certain genes are favored over others less conducive to survival—is the one and only creator of life as we know it. This stain, they claim, is the proof they have been waiting for.

"To those who would deny that genetic drift is responsible for a branching evolutionary tree of increasing biodiversity amid changing ecosystems, we say, 'Look upon the face of Darwin!'" said Jeanette Cosgrove, who, along with members of her microbiology class, has maintained a candlelight vigil at the site for the past 72 hours.

"Over millions of successive generations, a specific subvariant of one species of slime mold adapted to this particular concrete wall, in order to one day form this stain, and thus make manifest this vision of Darwin's glorious countenance," Cosgrove said, overcome with emotion.

"It's a miracle," she added.

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Old September 8th, 2008, 08:38 PM   #2
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I didn't read the whole thing, but I must say, that picture is quite convincing.



I'm printing this out and saving it for the next time Jehovah's come around.
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Old September 8th, 2008, 09:08 PM   #3
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looks alot like Chebacca to me...
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Old September 8th, 2008, 09:13 PM   #4
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hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha


Onion?
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Old September 8th, 2008, 09:14 PM   #5
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I'm surprised all the virgin mary people haven't flocked there yet and claimed it as theirs
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Old September 8th, 2008, 10:27 PM   #6
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x2 on chewbacca
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Old September 8th, 2008, 10:38 PM   #7
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x3 on chewbacca
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Old September 8th, 2008, 10:50 PM   #8
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Damn Tennessians...
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Old September 9th, 2008, 06:45 AM   #9
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I was thinking Planet of the Apes.
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Old September 9th, 2008, 12:47 PM   #10
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100% proof mikesova is a fag
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Old September 9th, 2008, 01:10 PM   #11
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I understand the satire. However, if these fucksticks believe it's a "miracle" as the article states, wouldn't that belief lend credence to the presence of a supreme being? God?

miracle: an extraordinary occurence that is ascribed to a divine or supernatural cause, esp. to God.
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Old September 9th, 2008, 01:18 PM   #12
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Quote:
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I understand the satire. However, if these fucksticks believe it's a "miracle" as the article states, wouldn't that belief lend credence to the presence of a supreme being? God?

miracle: an extraordinary occurence that is ascribed to a divine or supernatural cause, esp. to God.

the fact that they proclaimed it a miracle is the joke.
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Old September 9th, 2008, 01:23 PM   #13
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the fact that they proclaimed it a miracle is the joke.
I don't understand libs and they don't understand me. I say we settle it with guns. Oh wait! They don't have any!
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Old September 9th, 2008, 01:25 PM   #14
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I don't understand libs and they don't understand me. I say we settle it with guns. Oh wait! They don't have any!


i dont have any guns

im not sure if that makes me a liberal or just plain lazy.
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Old September 9th, 2008, 01:29 PM   #15
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haha thats funny. Well done
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Old September 9th, 2008, 05:20 PM   #16
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I find it ironic that its an image of Darwin. if you are much of a book worm as some you may have read the whole series of "Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy"(5 books in all). in one chapter it goes on to explain how evolution as doing away with manufacturing by being so complete withen itself, it comes down to that if you can imagine a item rather then produce it its thought that in some far of corner of the universe it exists of its own accord. all you have to do is find it... hence the picture of Darwin.
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Old September 9th, 2008, 09:31 PM   #17
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I find it ironic that its an image of Darwin. if you are much of a book worm as some you may have read the whole series of "Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy"(5 books in all). in one chapter it goes on to explain how evolution as doing away with manufacturing by being so complete withen itself, it comes down to that if you can imagine a item rather then produce it its thought that in some far of corner of the universe it exists of its own accord. all you have to do is find it... hence the picture of Darwin.
That's really deep. So deep, I'm not even going to make an effort to think about it for too long.
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Old September 10th, 2008, 07:08 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yetti View Post
I find it ironic that its an image of Darwin. if you are much of a book worm as some you may have read the whole series of "Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy"(5 books in all). in one chapter it goes on to explain how evolution as doing away with manufacturing by being so complete withen itself, it comes down to that if you can imagine a item rather then produce it its thought that in some far of corner of the universe it exists of its own accord. all you have to do is find it... hence the picture of Darwin.
maybe that item was already in existance, and the items has thought you up in order to give its existance a purpose?
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Old September 11th, 2008, 03:59 PM   #19
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I think Sova is trying to show us divine intervention, as in God and the Bible.

I told you all it's only a matter of time and he is going to be the biggest Bible thumper on this site.
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Old September 11th, 2008, 04:05 PM   #20
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I think Sova is trying to show us divine intervention, as in God and the Bible.

I told you all it's only a matter of time and he is going to be the biggest Bible thumper on this site.
I thought you were the biggest bible thumper on the site?
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