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Old January 25th, 2008, 03:53 PM   #1
bigjay
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Default joke of the day..

Why is a washing machine better than a one night stand?










Because the washing machine never follows you around after you put your load in and leave.
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Old January 25th, 2008, 04:48 PM   #2
BlooMule
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:n ana::nan a: :n ana::nan a:
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Old January 25th, 2008, 05:48 PM   #3
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a guy tells his girl lets have magic sex
she replys how do you do that

he replys with lets F#CK and you disapear
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Old January 29th, 2008, 10:54 PM   #4
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Default Sometimes You Just MUST show Respect

A hunter and his friend were sitting in a tall tower stand near Highway 481 in Maverick Co., TX, early one cold December morning. Suddenly, a huge buck walked out over the corn they had spread in the shrub with a tailgate feeder. Moving quickly, the hunter carefully aimed the Leupold scope on his .300 Win Mag at the unsuspecting buck. As he was about to squeeze the trigger on this deer of a lifetime, his friend alerted him to a funeral procession passing slowly down highway 481.
The hunter pulled away from the gun stock, set the rifle down, took off his hat, bowed his head, and then closed his eyes in prayer. His friend was stunned. "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen you do. You are indeed the kindest man I have ever known, and I feel lucky to call you a friend." The hunter shrugged. "Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years."
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Old January 29th, 2008, 10:59 PM   #5
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A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened .
. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.


When the authorities in Royal Oak received the letter to God they decided to send it to Governor Granholm in Lansing, Michigan.




She was so amused that she instructed her secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. She thought this would seem like a lot of money to the little boy.



The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:


Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Lansing , MI and those assholes deducted $95.00 in taxes.
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Old January 29th, 2008, 11:16 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by j3willys View Post
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened .
. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.


When the authorities in Royal Oak received the letter to God they decided to send it to Governor Granholm in Lansing, Michigan.




She was so amused that she instructed her secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. She thought this would seem like a lot of money to the little boy.



The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:


Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Lansing , MI and those assholes deducted $95.00 in taxes.


hahahah
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Old January 29th, 2008, 11:36 PM   #7
yellowjeeperman
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The parish priest went on a fishing trip.
> On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and
> proceeded to reel it in.
> The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a
> Bitch!"
> "Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"
> "No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a Bitch
> fish!"
> "Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"
> Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.
> "Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen"
> "Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"
> "Why, eat it! Of course. You've never tasted anything as good as Son
> of a Bitch!"
> Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.
> While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inqu ired
> about his trip.
> "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"
> Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"
> "It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is, a Son of a Bitch
> fish!"
> "Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a
> Bitch?"
> Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to
> visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for
his
> dinner.
> "I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch", she said.
> As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.
> "What are you doing Sister?"
> "Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new
> Bishop's Dinner"
> "Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your
> language!"
> "No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch Fish."
> "Real l y? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it,
> and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!
> Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."
> On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The
> Friar had prepared an excellent meal.
> The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.
> The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"
> "I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.
> "And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.
> The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special
> recipe!
> The new Bishop looked around at each of them.
> A big smile crept across his face as he said,
> "You fuckers are my kind of people!"
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Old January 30th, 2008, 10:13 AM   #8
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Default Lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowjeeperman View Post
The parish priest went on a fishing trip.
> On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and
> proceeded to reel it in.
> The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a
> Bitch!"
> "Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"
> "No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a Bitch
> fish!"
> "Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"
> Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.
> "Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen"
> "Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"
> "Why, eat it! Of course. You've never tasted anything as good as Son
> of a Bitch!"
> Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.
> While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inqu ired
> about his trip.
> "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"
> Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"
> "It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is, a Son of a Bitch
> fish!"
> "Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a
> Bitch?"
> Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to
> visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for
his
> dinner.
> "I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch", she said.
> As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.
> "What are you doing Sister?"
> "Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new
> Bishop's Dinner"
> "Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your
> language!"
> "No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch Fish."
> "Real l y? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it,
> and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!
> Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."
> On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The
> Friar had prepared an excellent meal.
> The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.
> The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"
> "I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.
> "And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.
> The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special
> recipe!
> The new Bishop looked around at each of them.
> A big smile crept across his face as he said,
> "You fuckers are my kind of people!"
That about sums it up...

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Old January 30th, 2008, 10:13 AM   #9
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Default Gotta be fair

In response to a number of complaints that there are not enough Black people appearing on TV, the Network has decided that in future 'America's Most Wanted' will be shown 'TWICE' weekly

:tonka:
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Old January 30th, 2008, 10:24 AM   #10
purplejeep
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Drinking with a Redneck Girl
A Mexican, an Iraqi, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice."

The Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."

The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her .45, and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, "In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."
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Old February 14th, 2008, 10:56 PM   #11
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Default Too Big

How can you tell when your girlfriend is getting too heavy???











.......when she starts fitting in your wifes clothes!!

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Old February 15th, 2008, 06:43 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Porter View Post
How can you tell when your girlfriend is getting too heavy???











.......when she starts fitting in your wifes clothes!!


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