Originally Posted by tsaguy
You judge based on not knowing anything. Every family is dysfunctional, every single one. There is no perfect family, to include yours. There is an issue I see with you, but to refrain from calling kettle black, I will withold. One thing you could keep in mind, is as perfect a handle you have on your family, is that somewhere you are screwing up. It's no ones business to judge, but stop thinking you are above everyone. You have had this attitude before.
Wanna know something? I come from a dysfunctional family. Horribly sexually, emotionally, and physically abused mom, and due to this childhood abuse, she was absent from my life most of my childhood. My father was a very angry controlling absent father who was also a workaholic. Youngest sister is mentally handicapped. Dysfunctional? Hell yea. Am I screwed up as a man? A productive person of society? Possibly. I'm an asshole, prick, but I pray, go to church, and have a conscience on how I treat others. Honesty is a core value, and patriotic spirit too. I don't always agree with what I even do for a living, but my ethics keeps me employed and I earn my check honestly.
So for you to take this 'high road' and say you will never charge your children rent for living in your own house, be sure you don't disservice them further by reducing other valuable lessons available to you. And don't judge someone else for their methods of parenting either. I may have come from a screwed up family, but they charged me rent to live their when I got my first job. It didn't screw me up, it did hurt some paydays, but it taught me something. Sure, it didn't teach me EVERYTHING, but there is MERIT in my parents raising me the way they did.
You very well may have a different approach on teaching your kids the value of being mature, but stop your arrogance on others for how they may have done things. You aren't on any posters I've ever seen for perfect parenting.
I had a friend who was single at the time and spent alot of time around our house when my 2 daughters were in their early teens. He made more than one comment to me that I was too hard on my kids. However, he was the first one to act like a big brother to them and compliment to others about how well behaved my daughters were. A little irony here? He now has 5 daughters
but lives out of state & they are still pretty young but I'm curious to see how his parenting goes.
My older daughter asked me more than once how come her younger sister got away with things that she didn't. My best answer is that parenting is OJT (on the job training). No one goes to school for it and no one can gain work experience until a situation happens. People don't know what parenting is like till they have to rush a sick kid to the doctor at 3:00am or have a choking child and panic sets in. My oldest choked on a hard candy and started choking. I grabbed her and headed out the door only to catch myself that she would be dead before I got to the doctor. I held her upside down while my wife stuck her finger up her throat. She coughed it out. Right thing to do? You tell me when you have never experienced it before. So back to my daughter's question, you learn as you go, and on top of that, each child is different and reacts differently to the same upbringing.
Bottom line is that no one is perfect, nor has all the perfect answers. I didn't pay for all of my kid's college & felt that as long as they were working their way through college, I wouldn't charge them rent. It worked for us and for them.
Anyone who thinks they have all the answers, especially if they have never hit that point in life, does not have the answers...... only opinions.