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Old November 17th, 2005, 08:58 PM   #1
GreaseMonkey
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Default Why Men Are Happier

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of
themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can
never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The
world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom
because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which
way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't
cut, blister, or mangle your feet. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds
flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one
suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the
slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she
can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than
enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see
wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts
no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You
have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Better yet, someone else does most of it for you.

No wonder men are happier.
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